Durrynomics


The Coalition government has received mixed criticism for a raft of proposed changes to Australia’s taxation and superannuation systems. The government will abandon Labor plans to tax super earnings of over $100,000 dollars. At the same time the Liberals will reverse an arrangement which contributes an additional $500 per annum to super funds of individuals earning under $37,000 a year. Coalition voters have universally praised the superannuation policy, perceived by many as an end to the insidious wealth redistribution of the previous government.

No Coalition voter has ever been found to earn less than $36,000 a year
Average Coalition voter

However it’s not all good news for Australian taxpayers, public outrage has sparked over the proposed increase of $2.50 to a pack of 20 cigarettes.
“Look, frankly we’re pretty disappointed with the Coalition’s stance on smokers,” said Greg Davies, Programme Coordinator for the Department of Binge Smoking. “The long held wisdom of trickle-down durrynomics is very clear about good fiscal policy. If you punish the people smoking durries then less people are going to keep on buying packs to contribute tax to the government or hand durries out to other people,” he said. “If you punish the heavy smokers, then people will just start up smoking overseas and the Australian taxpayer will suffer as a consequence,” Davies concluded.

Pictured above: a real Australian hero
Pictured above: a real Australian hero

It’s a sentiment echoed by many Australians who have moved overseas to avoid the staggeringly high cigarette prices. “When we looked at the numbers we realised that it was just too expensive to start a nicotine addiction in Australia,” said Ralph Kenny who has started his own nicotine addiction in Uganda. “The government over here offers fewer restrictions to the smoking of darts, and doesn’t punish those who do.”
South Australian MP, Joe Monash appears to agree with dissenters. In a statement released by his office this morning he wrote:
“South Australia used to have one of the highest rates of smoking in the country back in the 60s and 70s. It was a history that we could be proud of and I personally don’t think that we would have seen the great Australian addiction we have today without it.”

South Australian pioneer durrymakers
South Australian pioneer durrymakers

Labor have attacked the plan saying that if anything the government should be handing out free cigarettes. That position has caused discord with the Greens who this afternoon released a statement saying that everyone’s durries should be collected and then distributed equally.

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